Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Rich people are stupid.

So you've probably seen these commercials by now where "Kate," the young professional, walks to her car, the last one in an empty parking lot. Her luxury car has a feature that shows if there is the heartbeat of a rapist/killer/mugger/magician/teleporter hiding inside of her car. She sees that, indeed, blood pumps through the veins of an unseen attacker inside of her luxurious automobile. She stops, spins around, and begins to run away. Thank god for the heartbeat detector – her car really cares about her safety!

Wait. Why doesn’t the car company just make a feature that makes it impossible for some stranger to slip inside?!?! What are car alarms for, again? Seriously, unless we’re talking about the ghost in Ghostbusters that gets into the taxi cab through the tail pipe, what’s the point of this useless, extraneous feature that really creates a false sense of safety? “Phew! The heartbeat sensor isn’t going off. There’s no way some whacko won’t be waiting, hiding on the outside of my car.”

And really, if you’re making enough money to purchase this car with such frivolous features, you probably work some place with security, and that means secure escorts. Kate, don’t be stupid. Have the guard walk you to your car. He’s got a gun (probably, or at least a baton or something like pepper spray. Get over the fact that you can’t look him in the eye because he’s making 1/10 of your salary and have him walk you out if you’re so paranoid about people lurking your car. And invest in a car alarm that doesn’t let people hide in your backseat under a blanket. In fact, get all the blankets out of your car, and start locking your doors. And close the moon roof. You’re just looking for trouble at this point.)


Julian said...

The heartbeat monitor can also be used to clean counter tops and floors.

Lisa said...