Friday, October 12, 2007

More Horror Films

So I don't feel like doing full-blown reviews, but I have been watching many horror-genre items to get into the spirit. It finally feels cold!! I'm so weird, I take this weather as an opportunity to not wear socks with my shoes.

"1408" - as has been said, this is a pretty damn good horror movie, but nowadays (as an old man once said) it doesn't take much. The film revolves around John Cusack as a washed-up author of books that delve into the world of haunted locales. He's an uber skeptic, and eventually makes his way to a spooky, made-up hotel in New York, the Dolphin. Samuel L. Jackson is the hotel's manager, and he's really only in one scene -- he tries to convince Cusack to not stay in room 1408. But Cusack only sees the caution as a ploy to this challenge; Jackson is obviously building suspense so it gets a good write-up in his next book. However, Jackson bluntly warns, "It's an evil fucking room."



And how! The strength of the film lies in the fact that it does more than just stick Cusack in a room for 90 minutes. Slowly built up are certain biographical elements that come into play as the room becomes an acid trip/lucid nightmare gone bad. Again, it's mainly Cusack here, and there isn't any specific ghost haunting the room. The room represents a spin cycle of bad memories made manifest and, really, it's the bad trip of bad trips. The mental confusion, disorientation, loss of equilibrium, and the conviction that Cusack ultimately reaches are utterly delusional and handled very well. The tone of the film permeates every scene -- I was actually jumping with every phone ring, every dog bark.

"Cemetery Man" - This film is very strange. It's in the style of Italian horror cinema (I think; I've only seen "Suspiria" and I hated it). It was made in 1994, though it could easily pass for late 80s, due to the cinematography, which is all washed and reminiscent of "Evil Dead." However, the plot's very interesting. Rupert Everett, looking nothing like Rupert Everett, works the graveyard shift. At a graveyard. His job -- rekill the undead, who rise from the graves every night (why he doesn't just shoot them in the head before they bury them, I don't know).



After a few questionable zombie killings, the line between the living and the dead blurs for Everett. He knows more dead people than living, as he puts it, and his course turns starkly existential. He no longer knows, nor cares, who he kills. What's more is that this is all rather funny. His disregard for the living and an out-of-place visit to the doctor add levity to what could be really depressing. The film's rich with metaphors and symbolism, though they escape me at the moment.

"Creepshow" - I remember this from my childhood. A quick rundown: In order, they are "Father's Day," "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill," "Something to Tide You Over," "The Crate," and "They're Creeping Up On You."



"Father's Day" is very forgettable, except for watching Ed Harris 80s dance. "Jordy Verrill" stars Stephen King. It's dumb. It's very, very dumb. King guffaws and jaw-drops his way through acting, and luckily we get to see him kill himself. It's too campy.

"Tide," however, is nothing but brilliant. Leslie Nielson and Ted Danson give amazing performances. Really. Nielson shows what a gifted actor he is. Even at the end, he looks like he is shitting his pants with terror. And the story is genuinely creative and creepy. I remember loving short horror stories as a kid -- Alvin Schwartz's books in particular. "Tide" is really clever and simple, which is why it's so great.

"The Crate" also has a very good storyline. It's just as good as "Tide," but lacks Leslie Nielson (though Adrienne Barbeau is superbly annoying). And "Creeping" is just fucking gross.

"The Simpsons - Treehouse of Horror 1-4" - good lord, what can I say? These are the funniest Simpsons episodes out there.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The Devil's Backbone


The Devil's Backbone (2001)

I don't have a whole lot to say about this film. It's by Guillermo del Toro, and it reminded me very much of “Pan's Labyrinth”. The film takes place during the Spanish Civil War and follows a young boy, Carlos, after he’s placed in an orphanage. Like “Pan’s Labyrinth,” del Toro centers the story on the children and the implications of this apparition.



It’s a bit more depressing, but not as sad as “Pan’s Labyrinth.” I think the latter provides a better perspective on children coping with the horrors of war. With “The Devil’s Backbone,” the story just isn’t terribly strong, and the tragedy is catalyzed by the war, but not caused by it directly.



The ghost, in terms of modern horror films and the prevalence of scary children/ghosts, is handled very well. And the child actors are really great. It’s kind of scary, but not really. Just creepy when Santi shows up. The final scenes are pretty frightening, however.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

OCTOBER/Extra Weird Sampler Review

So, it's October. Some people get Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) as we approach winter, but I do not. It's like someone is lacing everything I drink with prozac. I feel so alive during autumn, maybe it's the crisp air, the cool weather, the fact that it's my birthday, or that it's Halloween, the only season so interlinked with movies (except Christmas and I guess summer blockbusters).

And because I have so much energy this month, I've decided to write as many horror movie reviews as I can. It would be nice if this blog became a venue for me to write movie reviews, thus leading to a lucrative career. I think the problem is I like to watch movies, but I don't like to analyze the hell out of them. Why can't you just enjoy the movie? And with that, on to my first review.



Extra Weird Sampler - Something Weird Video (2003)
"Warning!! This program contains violence, nudity, gorillas, wrestlers, and mutant sheep!”

Thanks to my good friend Mike, our recent "Welcome to October!" party, complete with pumpkin beer and autumn dishes, was better than I could have imagined. He brought this DVD ("I found it in some cheap bin at Fry's") that boasts having "Over 100 of the Most Amazing Movies Ever Made!" Well, really, just the trailers from those movies. And at times, they aren't even trailers -- they're scenes from the film. And even then, you can tell that it's the scene they spent all of their money on. This is visible in one trailer/scene where a Jason-and-the-Argonauts-type Greek battles a large foam dragon. And another where a man kills a women, pounds on her bare butt with a meat tenderizer, eats her butt, and pokes out her eye.

The latter is also an example of the types of films featured here: sexploitation, gore fetishes, rape revenge films, rape with no revenge films, monster movies, nudist films, burlesque films, and too many more. Pardon me for not remembering the titles of certain films. When the majority of the films feature the word "Blood" in the title, it gets a little hazy.

The titles that do make a lasting impression (and I suppose this is the reason for their being done this way) feature the title in some ridiculous way. For instance, "Kiss Me Quick" never had the narrator say the title. He would lead up to it, and then a female character (can I really assume that the people in this films are fleshed out enough (no pun intended) to be characters?) sensuously says, "Kiss me quick," in a hushed whisper. And then there was "Color.......Me.......Blood........Red."

These trailers are the obvious source of parodic fodder utilized by the guest directors in "Grindhouse," though when I saw the fake trailers in "Grindhouse," I remember thinking how over-the-top they were. The trailers on this disc are the hilariously real, and they are that much more ridiculous. The most amazing thing is what these films had in common. Lots of mingling feet. And cats. Cats play a big role in many of these films. Oh yeah, rape too.

The DVD is only $5 on Amazon. You'll be amazed how numb you will be to breasts and rape scenes. We were only able to watch an hour.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dear Rob Schneider,

STOP TAKING OUT FULL PAGE ADS, YOU DEFENSIVE PRICK.




http://defamer.com/hollywood/top/rob-schneider-takes-on-mel-gibson-to-plug-new-movie-in-variety-191949.php

http://defamer.com/hollywood/gossip/rob-schneider/by-request-rob-schneiders-attack-ad-032113.php

http://www.imdb.com/news/sb/2007-08-28/#3

Why the fuck does he think this is the best forum to respond? They started off, I guess, ok with the Mel Gibson thing. But now, he's taken out an ad in the Sydney Herald about a guy whom he borrowed a dvd from. Douche.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Ideas for blogs that I won't write about at length.

No more films about prostitution/drugs/pimps should ever be made ever again!

Atlanta Underground Film Festival? More like Atlanta Blunderground Phlegm Phestival. A slacker with a dvd player, a projector, and no concept of professionalism just duped so many filmmakers out of money.

I hate the phrase "I, for one, ... " so much it makes my ears bleed. It's such a stupid, fatheaded phrase that is like taking a shit on a pauper. "Excuuuuse me, but I, for one, will be boycotting said company's services." That is to be said with a snide voice while wearing a top hat and holding a cane. It's such a way of patronizing the reader. "I, as a paragon of high taste, refuse to do this or that." There is no reason to say "for one" except to take a moment and recognize yourself for doing something. What an asshole phrase.

Thursday, August 9, 2007